Today

Today I will not think of you. The sentence itself is a paradox – tell someone not to think of the pink elephant in the room and that will be the only think they’ll think about. Even so, today you’ll be out of my thoughts, out of my mind, out of my soul, out of my being. Today is the day when you’ve never got to exist in my presence.

Today I’ll roam all the places you haven’t touched. And, thank God, there’s still a lot of them. I’ll think of all the people that you’re not, I’ll get into actions you were never a part of, I’ll recollect all the dreams that don’t involve you. Today, my life is about everything. Everything but you.

It’s not an easy task, I know. I’ll struggle a bit and I have to learn how to better restrain my thought. I’ll see them slowly sliding towards you and that’s when I’ll use the whip of my will to keep those enraged horses in place. I’ll make it. Today, whatever it takes – today I will not think of you. Not even if – the hardest at all – you try to reach me.

Today I will not wonder how you are, how your day is laying ahead of you, what your joys or sorrows may be. I will not show your imaginary presence the sights I admire, I will not complain to you about others’ misdoings, I will not share my enthusiasm on the small thrills of life. Today, for once, will not swirl around your image.

And, if I manage to do this today, then who knows? Perhaps tomorrow I’ll be better trained to do it again. With little headway and few relapses, maybe – just maybe – I’ll make it a habit. And every day will become today – when I don’t think of you. Until that very special today when I’ll do this effortlessly, naturally and permanently. You’ll be just a shade of a memory I’d smile at when found through the drawers of my past, but nothing more. So, today I will not think of you. Forever today.

May today become that day…

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