I dreamed of you last night; not exactly your face, but I was telling a good friend about you. I was describing the kindness and love you had shown me since my oldest memories. How engraved you are in my soul, regardless of the passing time… A memory no one could erase, a candle and an icon of care.
It occurred to me how much I miss you, and now this feeling of loss and rootless being is almost as strong as the day you died. I miss your caresses and tender words, I miss your pancakes, I miss your small figure walking tirelessly through the rooms. In my mind your name used to be the symbol of gentleness; somehow, it still is, but I’m afraid I’ve been losing its touch since I dived into sorrow.
I need you more than ever and all I can hope is that you’re there, in Heaven, and ask God to have mercy on me. I miss you, Grandma. I never thought I’d miss you so after all these years. They say time heals all and blends memories together in a soothing dough; they’re wrong. Time only sheds a misleading lid, only to blow it off when you least expect it. Time has just showed me last night one of the dearest faces of my existence.
My beloved Grandma, I miss you. Please pray for me. And grant me guidance.
(13 ian 2018)