Shadow to return, I’m asking you, please, leave. Enough! You’re not welcome here, my friend.
Get out of my dreams, when I’m walking on high heels and I stumble down the stairs, just because you keep looking back at me – judging, blaming and mocking.
Get out of my head when I’m behind the wheel and I try to follow the hairpin curves instead of crashing into bulwarks, due to your constant disapproval on anything.
Get out of my conscience when I try to put my life on a path, be it right or wrong, but mine alone nonetheless, without outer interference.
Get out of my soul when I struggle to forgive and love myself above anyone else, me first – not you, not all my possible pasts.
Get out of my prayers when I utter them every night, and I ask for forgiveness, and I ask for guidance, and I ask for freedom, and still I ask for your wellbeing before mine, while bursting into tears of spite and helplessness.
Get out, I can’t do this again. I thought it was over, I thought I was done. How did I let it return, full force? I knew how mischievous and perverse it could be, but I thought I had finally let it behind. Yet, that deceptive shadow of mine still clings to me, and the brighter the light, the deeper the shade.
Get out of my home, remain at the doormat and become one with it, so that I swipe my feet on you each time I arrive. You shouldn’t linger down my walls, as I want this house a safe haven where I can sing my joy and enthusiasm, and not a rabbit hole where to unleash the hidden, shameful tear drops.
Please, leave! Please, be gone! You’re not welcome here, my friend…
… How the blood did you think this would end?!
(18 feb 2019)